im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
