Me too!
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
