glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
If that was your dad, he is hot
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
