If that was your dad, he is hot
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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