I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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