It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
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