Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
