none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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