there's paper in my vomit.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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