NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
