As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
