Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
He did a backflip because drugs
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