I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
