well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
