I don't usually arrange sex via text message
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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