How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
