I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
