All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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