My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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