I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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