I wanna bring you to show and tell
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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