I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
