We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
