You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
