so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
