you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
