i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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