She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
