A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
