She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Boobs are out for the taking
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
