Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
