i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
