we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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