i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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