cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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