apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
