Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
