i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
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