this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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