ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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