Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Randomize
