I can tuck mytits in my pants
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
