Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
