I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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