you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
