This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
