flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
