She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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