Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
