Cold hands, warm shart.
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
