How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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