found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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