You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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