I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Randomize
